Chloe's Surgery

Chloe's surgery is scheduled for next week on Thursday September 1st.  This date was much sooner than we had anticipated, which is both a blessing and quite frightening at the same time.  I guess any time would be difficult.  I continue to struggle if this is too soon given that she has not even been with us a month yet; but, the doctor really wanted to do the surgery as soon as possible before she started talking.  She continues to babble more and more so perhaps the timing is right.  They were able to get us in quickly with an ear nose and throat specialist.  We see the ENT tomorrow afternoon.  The ENT will determine if she needs tubes in her ears.  That doctor is also available to do surgery on September 1st.  So if she does need tubes, it will all be done at the same time.  It is a huge relief to know that she will only have one anesthesia.  I continue to worry about the post op period with the pureed food and arm splints (because that is what all good mothers do is worry)  I'm sure just like everything else, she will amaze us with her adaptability.  So, I should stop worrying and start thinking of some great pureed dishes that she cannot live without!

Dad and Chloe continue to bond.  Last night I decided that Kevin needed to put her to bed.  There was a little fussing/crying, but he was successful.  Kevin found out that she did not want him to rock her so he put her in her crib, she fussed a bit and then fell fast asleep.  Caleb was saying that he thought I should put her to bed at night because he does not like it when Chloe cries.  How sweet.

Now to some personal thoughts...  This journey continues to amaze me.  I worried before we had Chloe about loving an adopted child the same as a biological child.  I know that may sound a little crazy, but since we had never been through this, I didn't know if I would.  When one of the potential domestic adoptions came up and then fell through, I was heart broken and very sad.  The love I developed in a short time for that child was so powerful.  That experience made me realize that I could and would love an adopted child as much as I love Caleb.  Now that Chloe is here, it seems silly that I even thought those things.  The immense love I feel for her overwhelms me.  God is amazing.  He puts on our hearts to adopt a child and then equips us with the unconditional love that a child needs, the same way he equips a mother who is pregnant.  Awesome!  The other thing I sort of fretted about was adopting an older child.  In the past I have made judgments on other people who adopted older children.  I felt sad for those people because I felt like they had missed out on some crucial time since they had not adopted their child as an infant.  Knowing that with an international adoption we would not get an infant, this was something I had to come to terms with.  But now that I have lived this, I feel like I have known Chloe all her life.  It's amazing to me how it seems like she has been with us all along.  Sure, we didn't see her first smile, or laugh or cry or the first time she crawled or ate cereal for the first time, but none of that seems to matter now.  I don't miss the things we did not get to experience.  Our experience starts now and I can't imagine how it could be any better.  So no one feel bad for me, I am truly content and would not want things any other way.